Style 1 – Dominator:
This style looks to always have the upper hand in relations. He/she will create the situation that leaves you with options and very little input. He/she will intimidate when necessary. Sometimes the intimidation will come so smoothly that you don’t even recognize it and when you least expect it, you have been dominated once again, unless this actually describes you. This person never gets the short end of the stick. They tend to always get their way and if they don’t they will either become irate and agitated or will pout or shut down to change the odds to their favor. So, while you are thinking about who this is, and deflecting the light off of yourself, because that is what a dominator does, check this out. Dominators don’t always have the heavy hand. Sometimes they operate in a subtle and unannounced way. They almost appear meek and humble. They never make a fuss openly but they are up to the same things internally.
Style 2 – No Conflict:
In the “No Conflict” style, you will never allow them to see you sweat; at least at first. In a one on one relationship this person will not bring out any offenses because they don’t want to seem “argumentative”. They don’t want to “fight” and unfortunately this style of communication always brings out the fight anyways because of the buildup of issues inside and the emotional attachment that they have to these issues. The conflict is unavoidable. This person views conflict as bad. Although he/she does not look to have conflict, this is not someone who is incapable of having his or her buttons pushed. They won’t take crap from you. They just don’t like conflict. Don’t expect that this style can be pushed around. They won’t. So just know if you are looking for someone that you would like to talk things out with when things are out of whack. This is not that person.
Style 3- The Fixer:
The fixer is someone who listens for problems or situations and takes ownership and immediate responsibility for them and goes to work trying to fix the problem. This person is usually of the analytical mind and has done well and is looked upon as someone that can get things done. It doesn’t matter the size of the problem. This person is always in an action mode and is only satisfied when the ‘fix” is in. The fixer views problems as complaints and sometimes views the complaints as personal attacks on his/ her character. He/she views the world from a broke /fix, black & white perspective and has a hard time understanding that the world is in color and sometimes the colors don’t match!
Here are just a few of the relationship styles, as you should know there are many more. And as we have labeled them “relationship styles”, they could also be called communication styles. But understanding that communication and relationship are directly linked will help us as we grow in the muscle called relationship. Check it out.
Suggestions on the styles
For each style I have commented so that we have some idea about each style.
Style 1 – Dominator:
If you are a Dominator, listen, listen, and listen! Actively seek the opinion of others instead of building a case for your own opinion. Really try to understand the other person’s viewpoint before selling your own. Try making suggestions that utilize all of the information that you have gathered. This type of person is usually type ‘A’ personality. As you utilize this listening muscle you will be strengthening your leadership skills and increasing your worth to your relationship circle. Remember the heart of a true leader is a servant’s heart. Be focused on how you can serve not only your spouse, but also others.
Style 2 – No Conflict:
No conflict. You have to understand that conflict or disagreement is a natural part of being a human being. Work on embracing the differences in communication. Also, (and I know this one will be hard) work on being straight with your feelings and opinions. You see, you tend to minimize your own feelings when the opposing thoughts or viewpoints are presented and you think to yourself “it’s no big deal” and you shrug off your own. Your opinions are important. God gave them to you and you should start to share your thoughts and work at this. I know it won’t be easy and your spouse/friends are going to have to get used to your new boldness, but as you break through you will find out how much more amazing your relationships can be and at the same time you are building your leadership and communication skills.
Style 3- The Fixer
Fixers, realize that every issue that is brought to you does not require your might and logic. Most issues that are being brought to you require that you listen. For a fixer this is almost impossible. But understand that this is what is required. Sometimes you will have to fix something and sometimes you will just need to be available to listen. It is what it is. Focusing on listening and asking questions will be the key to you building your relationship muscle and growing your influence. Just know, sometimes people just need a good friend to listen. You will have to learn through much listening and hearing, when you are to be in action and when you are to be in listening.
Relationships are complex and take time and work. Know this; these styles along with others not mentioned, could be intermingled. In other words, someone could be a Fixer-Dominator…I hope not! But it could be out there.
If you are having serious problems with your relationships, check out our newly desinged store where we have an ever growing library of resources that are designed to support you.
The stronger the relationship we have with God, the stronger our relationships will be with each other. And likewise, the stronger our relationship is with each other, the stronger we reflect the loving relationship that is available with our Creator.